How to Treat Your Mother

Take your Bibles with me and turn to Deuteronomy 5. We are going to start here and then spend most of our time this morning in the book of Proverbs.

If you come here regularly, you know that we normally just preach through books of the Bible. Chapter by chapter. Verse by verse. Last week we were in Luke 18, talking about the rich young ruler, and next week we'll be in the next part of Luke 18, talking about how Christ healed a blind man.

But it is appropriate, on special days, to step away from that practice and look at what the Bible has to say about a specific topic.

Now, this week, there was supposedly a bunch of information dropped from the government about aliens. A lot of pastors are probably going to feel the need to say something about aliens today. Someone said that the rest of pastors are going to feel the need to talk about something they know even less about — being a woman.

I'm actually not going to preach to the moms this morning — although I do think that is appropriate. Keeping with the Mother's Day theme, I thought it would be interesting to look at what the Bible has to say about how we treat our mothers. So I went digging on the topic and actually there is a lot the Bible has to say about this.

Let's have a word of prayer and then we'll look at Deuteronomy 5.

Pray

So we are going to start in Deuteronomy 5 and we are going to trace this topic through the Scripture today: "How to Treat Your Mother."

Deuteronomy 5 is one of the two places in the Old Testament where the Ten Commandments are given. The other is Exodus 20. But we are reading from Deuteronomy 5 this morning because it has just a little bit more detail. Look at verse 16.

[16] Honour thy father and thy mother, as the Lord thy God hath commanded thee; that thy days may be prolonged, and that it may go well with thee, in the land which the Lord thy God giveth thee.
— Deuteronomy 5:16 (KJV)

This same command in Exodus 20:12 says:

[12] Honour thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the Lord thy God giveth thee.
— Exodus 20:12 (KJV)

This is repeated for us in Ephesians 6:1-3:

[1] Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right.
[2] Honour thy father and mother; which is the first commandment with promise;
[3] That it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long on the earth.
— Ephesians 6:1-3 (KJV)

The placement of this command in the Ten Commandments is interesting. The Ten Commandments are usually divided into two groups, which we call the two tables of the law. The first four commands are about our relationship with God. The last six commands are about our relationship with our fellow man.

This command about honoring our parents is the first command in that second table. You could say that this is a foundational command. How we treat our parents is foundational to how we treat our fellow man and foundational to all of society.

Put another way, if you don't put God first, then you aren't going to avoid idols, honor God's name, and keep the Sabbath. That first command is foundational to the first table of the law. And if you don't honor your parents, then you are inviting theft, murder, adultery, lying, and covetousness into your life. A society that doesn't honor its parents is a society that is heading for breakdown.

So what does the Bible have to say about how we treat our mother? Let me give you three points this morning. We'll start with the verses we've already read — so the first thing the Bible teaches us about how we should treat our mother is that…

1. We Should Honor Our Mother

Again…

[16] Honour thy father and thy mother, as the Lord thy God hath commanded thee; that thy days may be prolonged, and that it may go well with thee, in the land which the Lord thy God giveth thee.
— Deuteronomy 5:16 (KJV)

Notice, this is a command. It's not just one of the Ten Commandments, but one of the most important of the Ten Commandments.

It's a command that is tied to a promise. If you want to have a long and blessed life — you need to honor your father and mother.

When our society is characterized by a war with the older generation, we are going to be destroyed as a society. When we put ourselves against our parents, we are asking for trouble and problems.

But what does it mean to honor your mother? I looked up the word and it is a word that literally means "heavy, weighty, glorious, rich."

What this means is that we should make our mother substantial. We should make her an important part of our life. She should have real weight and gravity in our life. The opposite of this word is the Hebrew word translated "to curse," and it literally means "to make light of" — to treat your mother as dismissible, weightless, or unimportant.

So how do you do that?

As you can imagine, people have thought a lot about this command over the last few thousand years.

There is an interesting verse in the New Testament about this subject. 1 Timothy 5 says this:

[4] But if any widow have children or nephews, let them learn first to shew piety at home, and to requite their parents: for that is good and acceptable before God.
— 1 Timothy 5:4 (KJV)

The word I want you to notice there is the word "requite," which means "to repay a debt."

Here is what the Bible teaches: you owe a debt to your mother. It's a debt you can never fully repay, and the way you pay back that debt is by honoring her.

When a lady becomes a mother, she literally puts her life on hold to focus almost all of her attention and energy on raising her children.

I have a sister-in-law who was well on her way to being a corporate bigwig. She made good money and she had a promising career. Then she had triplets. Guess what? That career isn't even a thought on her mind anymore. Her children are all-consuming.

Mothers pay a massive price to take care of their children. The world knows this, and their solution is to try to eliminate motherhood or to free mothers from the burden of motherhood by having the state take over. But the Bible teaches us that motherhood is good and that we should honor our mothers and pay them back for this sacrifice.

Thomas Aquinas gave four practical components to honoring your mother. While I wouldn't agree with Aquinas on much, I do think he was right here, and I think this is the best summary of what it means to honor your mother that I have found. You owe your mother four things as part of your duty to honor her.

First, you owe her obedience.

Honoring your parents means that you should obey them while you are under their roof and authority. Obviously, you do not owe your mother perpetual obedience. A forty-year-old daughter with kids of her own doesn't have to obey her mother. But when you are under your mother's roof and authority, you should obey her.

Paul said in Colossians that this is right. In Ephesians he said this is "in the Lord" — just like a wife submits to her husband, not because he is good but out of obedience to God, and just like an employee submits to their boss, not because their boss is good but out of obedience to God, children should submit to their parents out of obedience to God. Even Jesus submitted to His parents.

Second, you owe her reverence.

You should treat your mother with respect and dignity. She isn't your girlfriend. She isn't your punching bag. She is your mother.

You should be careful to defend her reputation. You don't have to pretend like your mother is perfect — no one's mother is — but you should refuse to speak ill of her and stand up for her when others mock or diminish her. She isn't perfect, but you don't need to air her failures in public.

Third, you owe her gratitude.

You should be grateful for all that your mother has done for you. At the very least, your mother endured nine months of feeling unwell for you. Most likely she spent years with diminished sleep and energy to take care of you. She literally gave her body and youth to raising you. She most likely put you first for most of her life.

So honor her with gratitude. Say thank you often. Buy her gifts. Celebrate her birthday. Spend time with her. Be grateful. Don't take her sacrifices for granted.

Obedience, reverence, gratitude. There is one more thing we owe our mother, and that is…

Fourth, you owe her support.

This is something Jesus Himself taught us that honoring our parents means. Look at Mark 7 with me. Listen to what Jesus says here:

[10] For Moses said, Honour thy father and thy mother; and, Whoso curseth father or mother, let him die the death:
[11] But ye say, If a man shall say to his father or mother, It is Corban, that is to say, a gift, by whatsoever thou mightest be profited by me; he shall be free.
[12] And ye suffer him no more to do ought for his father or his mother;
[13] Making the word of God of none effect through your tradition, which ye have delivered: and many such like things do ye.
— Mark 7:10-13 (KJV)

The Jews believed — and Jesus backed this up — that honoring your parents meant taking care of them in their old age. This could get quite expensive. To get around this expense, a bunch of people came up with this idea of corban — taking a part of your income and designating it as a gift to God, so you could say to your parents, "I can't help you — the money I have has been given to God."

Jesus said this was wicked. He said it made God's commands "of none effect." We've already read the verse where Paul says we should requite our parents.

So what this means is that we should take care of our parents' needs, especially in their old age.

Honor your mother. Make her a big part of your life. Obey her, revere her, thank her, support her.

But that is just the first thing the Bible says about how we treat our mother. The second and third things we will see in the book of Proverbs.

2. We Should Listen to Our Mother

Look with me at Proverbs 1. Look at verses 8-9:

[8] My son, hear the instruction of thy father, and forsake not the law of thy mother:
[9] For they shall be an ornament of grace unto thy head, and chains about thy neck.
— Proverbs 1:8-9 (KJV)

Look at chapter 6, verses 20-21:

[20] My son, keep thy father's commandment, and forsake not the law of thy mother:
[21] Bind them continually upon thine heart, and tie them about thy neck.
— Proverbs 6:20-21 (KJV)

Notice what the Scripture says here. It talks about "the law of your mother." We should take what our mother says very seriously and we should not forsake what our mother has taught us.

Every year on Mother's Day at least one person reads Proverbs 31 about the virtuous woman, but consider how that passage starts:

[1] The words of king Lemuel, the prophecy that his mother taught him.
— Proverbs 31:1 (KJV)

We don't know who Lemuel was, but we do know that his mother taught him some things that made their way into the Word of God.

Listen — if you had a mother that taught you some things, especially things that line up with the Word of God, then you are blessed. If you received what your mother was teaching you, then that is like an ornament of grace you will wear for your whole life.

How many of you have ever met someone who just seemed like a good person? They had manners. They were kind. They were careful with the way they talked. They worked hard. They cleaned up after themselves. In almost every case when you meet someone like that, it's because they were raised right and they didn't fight against what their mother and father were teaching them.

Let me speak to the adults in the room. You don't have to obey your mother anymore — but you should listen to her. You should seek her advice and take it seriously. The time is coming fast when you won't have a mother to talk to anymore.

Most of us, if we're honest, will admit that our mothers were right about more things than we gave them credit for. Usually we figured that out too late.

So listen to your mother.

3. We Should Not Grieve Our Mother

Look at Proverbs 10 with me.

[1] The proverbs of Solomon. A wise son maketh a glad father: but a foolish son is the heaviness of his mother.
— Proverbs 10:1 (KJV)

I actually thought about titling this sermon "Why Is Your Mother So Heavy?" — because this verse talks about "heaviness" in a negative way, and honor means "heavy" in a positive way.

Why Is Your Mother So Heavy? A sermon by Ryan Hayden. If we had a marquee, that would get some attention.

Seriously though, the word "heaviness" here means "grief, sorrow, heartache." A foolish son weighs down his mother.

This idea is all over Proverbs. Look at Proverbs 17:25 with me:

[25] A foolish son is a grief to his father, and bitterness to her that bare him.
— Proverbs 17:25 (KJV)

[15] The rod and reproof give wisdom: but a child left to himself bringeth his mother to shame.
— Proverbs 29:15 (KJV)

Your choices affect more than just you. They affect your mother. When you live a life that ignores God and God's Word, when you reject God and His wisdom — you are going to be a grief to your mother.

Look at one more verse with me. Proverbs 30:

[17] The eye that mocketh at his father, and despiseth to obey his mother, the ravens of the valley shall pick it out, and the young eagles shall eat it.
— Proverbs 30:17 (KJV)

That's one of those verses we need to put up in our living room. (Just kidding.) It's a pretty graphic verse, isn't it? Ravens picking out your eye.

The idea here isn't that a raven is going to just come and swoop down on you. Ravens are scavengers who eat dead things. The idea is that you won't even be buried. You will be so dishonorable that they won't take the time to bury you, and ravens can just swoop down and eat your eye out.

You can live a life that is so foolish that it shames your mother. It grieves her. It's a weight she carries with her all the time.

But it doesn't have to be that way. Look at Proverbs 23:25:

[25] Thy father and thy mother shall be glad, and she that bare thee shall rejoice.
— Proverbs 23:25 (KJV)

You can live a life that causes your mother to rejoice. That's the goal.

One of the greatest gifts you can give your mother isn't a card or flowers — it is a life well-lived. It is a life lived in a way that honors God and shows wisdom. If you live that way, your mother's sacrifice will mean something. Her sowing in your life will bear fruit.

So honor your mother with your life. Don't grieve her.

Conclusion

We've seen three things the Bible says about how we treat our mother. Honor her — make her substantial, make her weighty in your life. Listen to her — don't throw away what she poured into you. And don't grieve her — live a life that makes her sacrifice mean something.

Now I want to say a word to some of you, because I know that not everyone in this room has a straightforward relationship with Mother's Day.

Some of you lost your mother recently, and today is hard. Some of you had a mother who failed you in serious ways — who wasn't there, or who caused you real harm — and sitting through a sermon about honoring your mother feels like salt in a wound. Some of you are mothers yourselves who are carrying grief today for reasons of your own.

I don't want to gloss over that. The Bible is realistic about the fact that sin has broken families. Not every mother is Proverbs 31. There are Proverbs 31 mothers in the Bible, but there are also Athaliahs - who tried to murder her own kids and grandkids to get power. Some of you are doing your best to honor a mother who made it very difficult, and God sees that.

But here is where I want to land this morning, because this is what makes Christianity different from every other religion and philosophy.

Every one of us in this room has failed to honor our mothers the way we should. We've been too busy. We've been ungrateful. We've taken for granted the sacrifice that was made for us. We've lived in ways that caused grief. That's true of all of us.

And here's the good news: the same God who commands us to honor our parents is the God who sent His Son to pay for every time we didn't. Jesus Christ — who did perfectly honor His mother, who from the cross made sure she was cared for, who never once failed this command — He kept the law we broke.

And He offers forgiveness to everyone in this room who hasn't.

So if you want to start honoring your mother the way you should — that starts with getting right with God. And if you've never done that, today is a good day to start.

Let me pray.